Olivia's Boudoir Journey

I have been behind a camera pretty much my whole adult life.

High school senior photography in my early days, then boudoir. I have spent years watching women walk into my studio nervous, awkward, convinced they were not the right size, or the right type or the right anything, and then watching something shift. Somewhere between the music and the lighting, me yelling about how amazing they look, they stop hiding.

They just exist.

Then they blossom.

Often, during the reveal, they see themselves, maybe for the first time in years or in their lives, and they cry.

I have watched it happen hundreds of times. And for a long time, I told myself I did not need it. I was the photographer. I was fine.

I was not fine.

The Waiting Game

After my daughter was born, I was doing boudoir shoots for women constantly. I had a six month-old baby and I was giving other women this incredible experience, and I was getting FOMO. Like, real, actual FOMO. I would finish a session and think, I want that. I need that. I just had two babies back to back. Two c-sections. My body had changed in ways I was still getting used to. I had a postpartum belly that hung a little differently than it used to. I had been through breastfeeding, dramatic hormones changes, and the kind of exhaustion that settles into your bones. And I was telling other women their bodies were beautiful, but I did not quite believe it about my own.

So I waited. I told myself I would do it when I felt better about my body. When things had settled. When I looked more like I used to. Classic, right? The boudoir photographer waiting until she looks better to do boudoir.

My daughter was eleven months old when I finally stopped waiting.

The First Boudoir Shoot (Honest Review: The Donuts Were the Best Part. Eeekk)

I did my research. I found a photographer an hour away who seemed fun on IG stories and reels. I drove out there in November. It was cold. I had prepaid $1,500 and I was ready.

It was not great.

I am going to keep her anonymous because this is not about dragging anyone. And honestly, you do not need to worry about stumbling into her studio anyway because she is no longer in business. Turns out you do not stay in the business of empowering women when you are not great at actually empowering them. But I will tell you what happened because it matters.

The studio was freezing. The lighting was flat and she did not seem to know how to adjust for an overcast day. I felt like she did not know how to pose a curvy body because, honestly, her Instagram and website barely showed any larger bodies. It felt like she was hiding my curves instead of celebrating them. I was shamed for being on my period, and told I could not wear any of her wardrobe because she was worried I would bleed on them. She shared long stories about other clients while I sat there, treating me like a fellow industry professional instead of a woman who had paid to feel something.

I ended up liking a few of the pictures. But I did not get an album. And the best part of the whole day, were the donuts she had on the counter.

That is not what a boudoir photographer wants to hear from another boudoir photographer.

But it taught me something. It showed me exactly what I never want my clients to feel. Too cold. Not seen. Not celebrated. Like their body is a problem to work around instead of the whole point.

The Tripod Era (Do Not Recommend)

A little while after that, I decided to just do it myself. I have a studio. I have incredible lighting. I know how to pose a body. So I set up my camera on a tripod with a ten-second timer, ran to get in position, and spent two hours doing that. Over and over. Click. Run. Pose. Check. Run again.

Two hours. Roughly ninety frames. After culling, I had ten pictures I loved.

They are beautiful. But oh my god, it was so much work. Sweating, overthinking, no one to hype me up or tell me to tilt my chin or adjust my elbow. No feedback. No energy. Just me, trying to make myself feel something, alone in a room with a camera on a timer.

You can get good pictures that way. But it is not a boudoir experience. It is not the only reason that brings women to a boudoir photoshoot.

Finding the Right Photographer

I eventually booked a session with Mary Castillo in Minneapolis. She is a natural light photographer, really organic, all whites and tans, and she is amazing. I walked in as a client for real this time. I let someone else take care of me for a day.

I got two metal prints and they are hanging in my husband's closet. I also ordered a beautiful diamond cover album with gold sparkle fabric and it is gorgeous. I went back a couple years later and did a golden hour mini session with her at sunset.

That was the experience I had been looking for. That is what I had been giving other women and had not let myself have.

Where I Am Now

I do a boudoir shoot every year now. No matter what size I am. No exceptions.

My husband shoots some of them in my studio, and I tell him what to do. It's easier than doing it all on my own, and because I am obsessed with my studio, obsessed with my lighting, obsessed with the sets we have built.

The Book Nook. The dining room set with the Renaissance paintings of all the naked ladies on the wall. The liquor bar set. The body jewelry that somehow makes an $8 SHEIN bodysuit look like a million dollars. I want my space in my pictures too, not just for my clients. The truth is I don't always make studio design choices for what's going to be trendy or profitable, I do what I love and what makes me excited because that's when I feel most inspired.

I have also done shoots with other photographers, including one where we literally photographed each other at the same time. Both of us in lingerie. Taking turns. Weirdest shoot of my life. The pictures are gorgeous. Buuuuuut I would not recommend the experience of trying to be a professional photographer while also wearing a thong bodysuit. (Don't worry, I'll be wearing pants for your boudoir)

The point is, I went from hiding. From not wearing bathing suits. From thinking I needed to look different before I was allowed to feel beautiful. And the more I did this, the more I photographed myself and let myself be photographed, the more I just started to like what I saw. Not in a performative way. In a real, settled, this is my body and it is actually kind of incredible way.

I have photographed over 400 women in my studio now. Only boudoir. I do not do anything else anymore because this is what I was made for. Making women feel beautiful. Especially plus size women. Especially moms. Because I am a mom. And I know what it feels like to look in the mirror after your body has been through something and not recognize yourself. And I know what it feels like to finally see yourself again.

You do not have to wait until you look different. That day is never coming. And even if it did, you would still find a reason to wait.

Come now. Come as you are. Let us show you what I already know.